Use Me

I've said this a lot, historically.  When at work and I have a skill that's lacking: use me.  When assisting a friend in cooking dinner or fixing a house: use me.  I think the most important way I abuse this phrase, though, is when I offer my strength to someone that needs it.  Use me.  If you don't think you can make it, use me.  I've been there.  Use me, I'll hold you up.  Use me, its ok to cry.

Occasionally I feel that I have been offered for public crucifixion.  I didn't get the nick-name "Phoenix" for nothing.  Though I am always baffled at the apparently human desire to kick puppies and nice people,  at this point in my life I again find myself saying "use me."  If you must.  I can take it. Better me than someone else, someone weaker, that can't.  In all the continents that I have lived on I learned that there will always be a small contingent of sad people that want to build you up just to knock you down.  Ignore them.  Love them.  Do what you must but do not let them in, and keep walking tall.

I give my strength freely on my own and am happy to do so when asked.  What I don't appreciate is having it taken from me.  When I allow myself to get close to someone, its an exchange of selves.  Its sharing.  Those bonds are what build friendships.   Lately I have been fooled by some individuals that only wanted to take and before I knew it they sucked me dry, leaving me feeling used when all they had to do was ask.  I would have happily given whatever they wanted.  Instead they ripped it away from me.

Here on the stand with the book in my hand, truth on my side...

No one will ever convince me that its shameful to mourn the loss of a lover or friend, and only the weak think tears are a sign of weakness.  I'm just beginning to understand that kindness is almost always the best option.  I try to live my life in a way that I can be proud of, that is reflected in my friends (who rock as hard or harder than I do)(usually harder).

Sometimes, like now, when I'm running low and I keep getting jabbed by idiots, it's hard to remember that.  It's also hard to remember that a 2D environment encourages people to act first, think later and forget most of it, that partnerships are made and broken in months and each new one is "true love" they waited forever for and thought they would never find, that most women are men and you can change from human to car in 5 minutes.  I'm a Real Girl.  That is Memorex.

Walk tall.