So a couple weeks ago I mentioned in my notices that I would be performing naked at the Lamb, largely to see if anyone was reading them. A few new people came - but that is not what this post is about. This post is about why I was 40 minutes late onto the stage. Because you know, that of all nights, something bizarre was bound to happen...
It started with the Dr's appointment I had that morning. Since the performance wasn't until 8pm my time I wasn't concerned. I have made it home in ample time for performances before. Just not this time. In fact, everything that could go wrong went wrong, until I ended up walking into the house at 7.30pm. On a good note, I was well rehearsed as I keep a warm up and rehearsal CD in my car. Even so, I seriously considered moving the performance an hour later, however due to the naked tag I couldn't. Instead, I moved my dressing room onstage and attempted to speed-sync.
Of course, this would be the night there was an issue with that, and by the time I addressed the syncing issue it was 15 minutes past my performance time. I attempted to chat with peeps to keep them there.
One of the reasons I was late is that the local post office lost my new headphones. I had to drive across town, twice, to track them down in person, as no one wanted to take responsibility. As mentioned previously, the headphones I was using gave me tiny electric shocks until they finally short-circuited otherwise I would have just used them again. The new ones were supposedly designed for my purpose and reputed to work great. At 30 min I finally got them to work, and all seemed well.
I realized that I wasn't naked. In fact I had forgotten all about that, so I attempted to speed-find the outfit I wanted in my inventory - 'cuz I sure as hell wasn't going to be actually naked. No way. With all the agility of an ambling moose, I found the full body snow tattoo I got during my winter hunts. I also found a snow bikini bottom and two oversized snow pasties. I was ready!
No I wasn't. I forgot to load the stream. NOW I was ready! At 40 minutes after the hour. At this point I was bluntly begging people to stay.
The only way to address this kind of situation is to stride out of the dressing room mic in hand, singing. Looking confident. I think I managed, too - until I realized that I couldn't hear a damn thing. My music was up, but I could barely hear a note of it. It was the lovely new headphones that caused all these problems in the first place! I was almost completely deaf! After totally butchering the first song, I juggled the set onto one that I have memorized and could hopefully perform without the benefit of musical cues, and I think I did okay. I honestly have no way of knowing as I forgot to record it in all the discombobulation. The rest of the set I did that way, with oldies but goodies, shining in my metallic shoes and snow bikini.
I wouldn't call it a success, but I would say it was definitely a learning experience. I will not be doing the naked thing again though. It just isn't my style. Since I am blaming this entire debacle on nervousness due to a pixellated representation of myself appearing in less than the accustomed amount of clothing, I will assume it's not anyone else's either!