Blow me....

If you read this blog, you know that three years ago I had the worst SL boyfriend known to man.  I am not exaggerating, he was all the Second Life romantic nightmares you have ever heard rolled up into one Demon Spawn. I am serious when I say that this guy did everything but beat me or give me VD.

I am nothing if not an overachiever!

So!  Three tumultuous years later he refuses to disappear from my life and every time he resurfaces I have to deal with the ensuing emotional backlash.  Finally, this November I decided to deal with him once and for all by saying "Fuck it, lets be friends."  It was what we were good at anyway, as he never seemed to have any carnal urges in my direction.

Things were going brilliantly, I really thought I would have adjustment issues and was shocked to find I did not.  Then, on Thanksgiving day, he casually mentioned to me that he is gay.

It was the best thing he could have done for me.  Well, other than being honest in the beginning I mean.  This was the missing piece.  This made it all make sense.  And this was all I needed to close the book on him for good.

I admit the shock was intense at first.  Then the abject humiliation was suffocating.  But now I know that trusting him reflects well on me and poorly on him, not the other way around.  Sometimes, showing vulnerability is the absolute strongest thing you can ever do.  In fact, usually it is.

The mind is a wonderful thing and I started singing this song a lot, before I realized its significance.  Expect it during my upcoming shows, it is a moral imperative even if it is impossible to sing (I mean, Pink can't even sing it, it's the product of terrific audio editing).  And don't be surprised if I fade away from the mic at times, there is a lot of dancing going on over here!

Usually I would post the significant song lyrics here but the whole damn song is significant so just dance and let the release wash over you like it has me.

Words

...are written on the wind
...are meaningless
...actions speak louder than
...there's no use talking at all!

All of those are true.  There is no doubt about that.

However, the right word in the right ear at the right time can - and already has - change your life!

Don't believe me?  Think about this.  You got that job because of something you said during the interview, or something someone else said about you.  It's the same reason you lost that job.

You dated that boy because of something he said to you in the beginning.  Don't believe me?  When the relationship ends and you are sobbing hysterically, what are you always sobbing?  "He said...he loved me/he would never leave me/he would never cheat...." whatever, he said it and you believed it and now you remember those words, don't you?

Who would argue that the phrase "I've been thinking" strikes terror into the heart of everyone, double that when it's followed by "We need to talk?" Shudder.

Words are nasty little unpredictable buggers.  That's why spin doctors have jobs.  They can control the fallout from those damnable words.  That skill is worth it's weight in gold (if it had weight) which is good because that is about what they earn.  It's completely worth it.

My words have power.  Yes, we have just established that everyone's do, but mine in particular.  Specifically when composed into this exact phrase:  "Wouldn't it be funny if...?"

I first noticed this phenomenon when I was in High School.  Without fail, whatever I thought would be "funny" occurred, to the letter, as described.  As I got older the trend continued, and yes thinking that phrase counts.  By the time I hit 25 that was a phrase I just never used.   Ever.  Hearing it slip past my lips was enough to make me stop dead in my tracks and sigh with heavy dread and good reason.

That trend continues to this day.

You know what I've noticed?  Very rarely do you ever think it would actually be "funny."  Usually "whatever" you are thinking of is ironic at least, embarrassing at most.

For me, it's become revealing that "whatever" is usually positive - extremely positive - but ironic, embarrassing and scary.  More often than not my sighs are followed by a slow, giant grin as I realize I have just prognosticated my own success -  albeit in my own typically clumsy way.

I don't know if this is the same with everyone.  It never occurred to me to ask until this very second.  I also don't know if by uttering such phrases you change your fate or merely realize it.  What I do know is the relationship between cause and effect, and that words are the key to this phenomenon.

Yes, words are very, very powerful, and this power is nothing to be trifled with.

You know what else I've noticed?  Clumsy is endearing.