You know you're past your bedtime when:

[20:37:44]  Phoenix Gerhadsen‧: OMG.
[20:37:46]  Phoenix Gerhadsen‧: OMG
[20:38:36]  Phoenix Gerhadsen‧: I started playing my recorded stream from earlier to "check" it....AND I DIDNT RECOGNIZE MY OWN VOICE.  I started typing in local...
[20:38:44]  Phoenix Gerhadsen‧: ansewering MYSELF
[20:38:50]  Phoenix Gerhadsen‧: that's my cue!
[20:38:54]  Phoenix Gerhadsen‧: Im outta here!

The Wonder of Domino's

I had this conversation, then I thought it was funny enough to re-post:

[22:37:03]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: Hello Gorgeous!
[22:37:25]  chryblnd Scribe: heya :-)
[22:37:56]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: You may be asking yourself "self?  Does [insert RL name here] sound like she's had a partial lobotomy to achieve a 180 degree attitude change from earlier?"
[22:38:18]  chryblnd Scribe: lol
[22:38:23]  chryblnd Scribe: I may soon, at any rate
[22:40:06]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: the answer would be YES!  which accounts for the persistent use of my real name today.
[22:40:31]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: It started with the pizza.....instead of 2 crispy crusts I got one deep dish
[22:41:10]  chryblnd Scribe: \o/ pizza!
[22:41:46]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: But OH NO its doesn't stop there!  NOnonononoono....because we all know what I get when I order pizza.....
[22:41:56]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: DEEP CHOCOLATE LAVA CAKES!!!!!!
[22:42:14]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: I believe you were present when I discussed this ritual previously?
[22:43:00]  chryblnd Scribe: ummm ... Ima go with "no"
[22:44:39]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: no WAY!  I swear you were...ok, they arrive:
[22:44:54]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: two toasty mounds of crispy yet chewy deep chocolate cake
[22:45:19]  chryblnd Scribe: I'm aware of their charms
[22:45:21]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: oh!  good for you! ...stuffed with warm, melted yet not runny deep dark chocolate that explodes in your mouth when you bite down
[22:47:24]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: ...when I get them I place them somewhere they can stay warm and out of harms way while I eat my pizza.  ...When I am 3/4 full THEN AND ONLY THEN I will open the box, releasing the heat and enjoying their full 5 sensory experience

[22:47:51]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: there is lots of gumming and moaning as I take my time
[22:48:05]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: its a little ritualistic
[22:48:28]  chryblnd Scribe: bahahahaha
[22:48:35]  chryblnd Scribe: I am the same with hotcakes at McDonalds lol
[22:48:36]  chryblnd Scribe: you're so awesome
[22:48:50]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: BWAHAHAHAHA!  ...to top things off I ordered a whole 2 liters of diet coke (they don't have pepsi)
[22:49:24]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: only - and this is ground shaking - they sent CHERRY cola instead!  It threw off my whole ritual!
[22:49:33]  chryblnd Scribe: oh no!
[22:49:38]  chryblnd Scribe: so now you;re a little mad?
[22:49:41]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: no!
[22:49:46]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: quite the the contrary!
[22:50:02]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: get this, because it's not the cola that's ground shaking.
[22:50:15]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: for the last week Dita has laid low.  Literally.  She wont get out of bed.
[22:50:28]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: the new cola arrived and I bounced downstairs.
[22:50:44]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: ...did the exchange and bounced upstairs, in about the time it took to type that
[22:51:10]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: There were 3 boxes on the floor (for what they charge I get the 2 pizza deal and leave one for tomorrow)
[22:51:42]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: I was 1/2 way across the room when I saw Dita with a box...not just ANY box!  She had....
[22:51:47]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: THE LAVA CAKES!!!!
[22:51:53]  chryblnd Scribe: oh
[22:51:55]  chryblnd Scribe: no
[22:52:09]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: I thought she couldn't have opened it that fast BUT I WAS WRONG!
[22:52:36]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: As I saw her lift her dripping-with-chocolate snout, I sprang to action and yelled NO and launched myself.  Imagine a football player flying toward the end zone in so-mo
[22:53:00]  chryblnd Scribe: bahahaha
[22:53:22]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: ...uncharacteristically sluggish, she took 2 steps back, dropping the bulk of her quarry to the ground where she proceeded to lick it to death and then suck on the carpet
[22:53:32]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: 2 things struck me.
[22:53:43]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: 1.  how the hell did she know WHICH box?
[22:53:59]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: 2.  She loves pizza - and she passed up those, easier, boxes?
[22:54:42]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: 3.  We for sure share the same tastes - because Dita then proceeded to beg with a desperation not previously observed by humankind
[22:54:55]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: she wiggled
[22:54:59]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: she bounced
[22:55:07]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: she gave the "soulful stare"
[22:55:29]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: she tried to pull my hands down with her 11 pounds of skunk booty
[22:55:39]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: the nibbled
[22:55:42]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: she kissed
[22:55:53]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: she scent marked everything that didn't move
[22:56:00]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: then she started over again
[22:56:06]  chryblnd Scribe: hahahahaha
[22:56:26]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: I had to call Dad, who laughed over the phone
[22:56:38]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: finally I stopped hyperventilating and caved with a pat
[22:56:46]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: but HELL NO, no lava cakes
[22:56:49]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: sorry!
[22:56:51]  chryblnd Scribe: see, now you know
[22:56:56]  chryblnd Scribe: more chocolate
[22:57:01]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: no shit!
[22:57:05]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: wtf?
[22:57:16]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: anyway, I am always feeling better after those things
[22:57:21]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: :D
[22:57:27]  chryblnd Scribe: lol
[22:57:57]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: this is the no-hormone week on my pill. so I'm uber-emotional I think.  I am also going off the pill, so the next few weeks should see a lot of lava cakes in here
[22:58:17]  chryblnd Scribe: ohhhhh jesus
[22:58:22]  chryblnd Scribe braces
[22:59:07]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: I know
[22:59:10]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: I warned my dad
[22:59:21]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: IMPENDING HYSTERIA!!!!
[22:59:34]  chryblnd Scribe laughs
[22:59:57]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: oh sure, laugh now - just be prepared.
[23:00:02]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: I'm gonna act like a girl
[23:00:06]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: I hate that
[23:01:29]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: I've decided to sing Madonna.  I'm watching Glee for the first time, it's the madonna ep and I'm singing and dancing around
[23:03:11]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: just the good ones - express yourself
[23:03:38]  chryblnd Scribe: I like Madonna
[23:03:42]  chryblnd Scribe: never seen Glee though
[23:04:41]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: I have heard that it MY program, and I have to agree
[23:04:54]  Phoenix Gerhadsen: season 1 comes out this week, hope it's on instant-view

...and hope Domino's doesn't run out of Lava cakes....

No Merci

Even more learning experiences!

As you know, my final tip jar (designed by ME!) has the "Styled By" button that gives the name and lm to the store of everyone that provides my on-stage look.  I am so damn picky that the designers managing to satisfy me deserve at least that pat on the back, and I'm happy to give it.

Almost all my friends are designers or performers - or performers that design.  Most have given me something that I want to wear onstage. 

Now, one of these friends has been with me since the beginning of my career and vice -versa - we have both helped each other every way possible.  This is just to be nice and because we're friends. 

I agreed to a weekly performance for her, for free, at a garden she created for this reason - even though  at this point I am actually cutting my tips-only gigs.  Once I decided to sing for her, I wanted to talk to her about boundaries and how she wanted me to present her, but she never had time.

Not to worry, I went on with my show, emphasizing her Look Book (that I distributed at all shows to be nice), and my Styled By card,  with no word from her one way or the other about my act as I continued.  Until last week.

Last week a friend (and designer) decided to drop by my show.  I said "Hello!"  mentioned that she also designed and happened to be on my style card, then proceeded with the usual promotion.

My "friend" chose that moment, in the middle of my show, to finally comment on my performance.  She flamed me via IMs.  She was irate that I promoted another designer in her store.  I, in turn, was thrilled to find I am now able to perform through anything!
 
Of course, if she felt this way perhaps she should have decided that I not use my style cards at all during her shows.  Or let me talk to her about my ideas regarding promoting her.  Or spoken to me with the respect that a good friend - a good friend that promoted her at all gigs as a favor - would deserve.

In any case, let this be a valuable lesson to you.  When performing for a store, make the owner sit down,  listen to the details of your set and approve it in writing.  Though I never crossed a line and truly promoted another person, I did venture into a gray area that could have been avoided with clear (or any) communication.  Don't fall into this trap - this is great advice in SL and RL as well.

Another piece of great advice for SL and RL:  when people complain about their friends always letting them down or something like that, there is usually a reason for this attitude - and it isn't their friends!  This particular person has praised me in dark times as one of the few people that never asks her for anything and is a true friend to her.  Danger!  Danger!

In this case I was outgrowing her tutelage and trying to find a way to free up my groups and time.  I just would not have chosen to end it this way or at all.

This has been your PSA for this week!  Go and play on!

Why yes, I AM naked! Thank you!

So a couple weeks ago I mentioned in my notices that I would be performing naked at the Lamb, largely to see if anyone was reading them.  A few new people came - but that is not what this post is about.  This post is about why I was 40 minutes late onto the stage.  Because you know, that of all nights, something bizarre was bound to happen...

It started with the Dr's appointment I had that morning.  Since the performance wasn't until 8pm my time I wasn't concerned.  I have made it home in ample time for performances before.  Just not this time.  In fact, everything that could go wrong went wrong, until I ended up walking into the house at 7.30pm.  On a good note, I was well rehearsed as I keep a warm up and rehearsal CD in my car.  Even so, I seriously considered moving the performance an hour later, however due to the naked tag I couldn't.  Instead, I moved my dressing room onstage and attempted to speed-sync.

Of course, this would be the night there was an issue with that, and by the time I addressed the syncing issue it was 15 minutes past my performance time.  I attempted to chat with peeps to keep them there.

One of the reasons I was late is that the local post office lost my new headphones.  I had to drive across town, twice, to track them down in person, as no one wanted to take responsibility.  As mentioned previously, the headphones I was using gave me tiny electric shocks until they finally short-circuited otherwise I would have just used them again.  The new ones were supposedly designed for my purpose and reputed to work great.  At 30 min I finally got them to work, and all seemed well. 

I realized that I wasn't naked.  In fact I had forgotten all about that, so I attempted to speed-find the outfit I wanted in my inventory - 'cuz I sure as hell wasn't going to be actually naked.   No way.  With all the agility of an ambling moose, I found the full body snow tattoo I got during my winter hunts.  I also found a snow bikini bottom and two oversized snow pasties.  I was ready!

No I wasn't.  I forgot to load the stream.  NOW I was ready!  At 40 minutes after the hour.  At this point I was bluntly begging people to stay.

The only way to address this kind of situation is to stride out of the dressing room mic in hand, singing.  Looking confident.  I think I managed, too - until I realized that I couldn't hear a damn thing.  My music was up, but I could barely hear a note of it.  It was the lovely new headphones that caused all these problems in the first place!  I was almost completely deaf!  After totally butchering the first song, I juggled the set onto one that I have memorized and could hopefully perform without the benefit of musical cues, and I think I did okay.  I honestly have no way of knowing as I forgot to record it in all the discombobulation.  The rest of the set I did that way, with oldies but goodies, shining in my metallic shoes and snow bikini.

I wouldn't call it a success, but I would say it was definitely a learning experience.  I will not be doing the naked thing again though.  It just isn't my style.  Since I am blaming this entire debacle on nervousness due to a pixellated representation of myself appearing in less than the accustomed amount of clothing, I will assume it's not anyone else's either!

Good grief.

The Tip Jar From Hell

Ok, as my niche becomes more apparent (and my distractability more painfully obvious) I realized that I needed a new tip jar - one with specific features.  I mentioned this one night after a show and thus begins our journey through Tip Jar Hell.

A friend of a friend decided to jump in and create one.  This was fabulous except she never listened to my instruction.  As the hours wore on, I realized my situation was becoming more and more dicey.  I didn't want to cause trouble with my friend...however, telling her friend that I wasn't happy with her work would have surely done so.  After all, she was just helping me out.  Perhaps I could learn how to build and fix it?  So at the end of the night I sent a written note card to this individual specifying the changes that I would need (and had been asking for from the beginning) when I picked up the adjusted tip jar the next day.

The next day I got the expected IM offering me a TP to pick up the jar.  When I tried to land, this person's (name available upon request, because I'm like that), security kicked me out - twice.  She finally turned it off to let me land.  In her SL yard.  Where she rezzed the same, non-updated tip jar and asked for $1900L! (!!!!)

I tried to ask why she didn't make any changes but all she would say is that she was busy and I could take it or leave it.  I told her I could wait for the requested changes but she said she didn't have the files anymore, and that she could have made the changes last night but not today, so no changes would happen. (???!!)

I absolutely love our mutual friend so I just bought it and said nothing more - opting (as I often do) for the nobless oblige end of the Leo astrological sign - even as she simultaneously turned her security back on and kicked me off her parcel.

The tip jar was such a mess I couldn't figure out how to alter it and after struggling for several days, I broke down and IM'd my online friends for help.  Like a miracle, a wonderful girl we'll call "Master" appeared and, after ripping it apart for several hours, SL ate it! 

Eh - it turns out that helped since we just did a better one from scratch anyway.  The only thing we didn't have were the scripts.  So I IM'd the original creator.  The response I got was a heartwarming "Sorry, you paid and the transaction is complete. I won't work on it any more.  Good luck."  That's verbatim, by the way, I saved the response (name still available upon request)!

Let me interject that this is one of the reasons I have insisted my tip jar give out a "Style Card" that will list the creators of everything I wear/have onstage - including the tip jar - for the simple reason that most SL creators work extremely hard and bend over backwards to help their buyers.  This token of advertising is the least I can do to pay them back for their efforts above and beyond.  KISSES TO YOU ALL!  MUAH!

Anyway,  you know it's not over yet.  Oh, no.  Master got the scripts from a friend and we worked like dogs on the Tip Monster for a day and a half.  I report to you now that she is a genius and it's gorgeous. I have to tell you here, because I don't have it.  Why?  Well, that's where the rest of the story comes in.

See, Master and I used the office of her script doner to tuck them in at the end.  We were only one script short when RL called her away.  We planned to meet the next day to finish up.

Unfortunately, she never came back.  Her friend remodeled and doesn't recall seeing it.   I never got a copy.

So where it my Tip Monster?  God only knows.  The best advice I can offer is shop around.  Find one you want - there are many many creators, legitimate ones that are happy to create custom work for $500L.  I'll post the links here when I get my Tip Monster back.  Just have the stats on a notecard before you say a word, even if you are just spit balling in a casual setting, and don't part with a dime until you are happy.  

And the original friend I didn't want to offend?  I haven't seen her since.  I should have just given her the $1900L.

Great low lag tip jars from $50L and customization:  Blake Studios Tipjars

I can't believe they have the fish!

Those damned fish!  In primary colors, swimming in a white world.  Watching the mouse....eating the food.  Whenever I see them I have to stop and play with them.  It's hypnotic.  I can't help it.  Pretty, translucent, realistically moving fish!

I'm not sure what that says about me.

When I saw that app I knew I would have to put it in at right.  I was both thrilled and apprehensive.  Sure enough, I keep playing and staring....playing and staring....ugh!!!!

Is there an FA?

A Tale of Three Headphones

Once upon a time there was a vocalist.

She went through a whole lotta crap getting everything together to stream in Second Life, including getting her voice together,  and it looked like things were picking up.   The only problem was that one of her x-maids hid her really good headphones.   So she used her earbuds from the MP3 player until they sucked her hair and, ultimately, her head, under the chair during a performance.

Then she used the ear hook things that came with her CD player.  These worked except they gave her small electric shocks until one day they, too, died.

Relenting, and still unable to find the nice headphones that damn maid hid, she purchased what she was told would be perfectly acceptible headphones, from Ebay.  She had them sent to her house and waited expectantly.  The day they arrived the postman rang once as instructed in multiple notes surrounding the mailbox (he's remedial).  She gathered herself and went down the stairs....to find a postal slip.  Why?  We don't know.  The package wasn't signature required or anything.  She dutifully called the 800# as directed on the slip and had the package redirected back to her house where she spent the next day waiting expectantly, making multiple calls to the postal services 800# where they assured her that the package would be delivered that day.

No package arrived.

The following day (today) she made a compliant to the 800# as instructed and was told there were no guarantees as to where the package actually existed at this point, since the local post office (aka The Surlist Post Office From Hell) had totally ignored all communication.  She waited until 1.30pm before setting off (just in case) for the TSPOFH in hopes of retrieving it, triumphantly bringing it home after 3 annoying days.

They fit securely and looked solid enough, but sadly muffle all sound, including her music and voice.  Back to Ebay she went with the intention of buying the $5 pro DJ set from China.  What is there to lose now, right?  But before she did that, as luck would have it, a better pair was in the final seconds and she scooped them up.

Story to follow?  I bet there will be!

Yes, I got a new voice for 2010. Here's the scoop....

You all know how fond I am of new equipment, so...

Seriously, here's what happened:  I moved from Los Angeles to Ohio.  That's pretty much it.  We can blame Ohio for everything.  I frequently do.  In this case, I acquired a new flu-type virus that settles in the lungs and doesn't go away.  Everyone I know has it now, it makes you cough when you laugh.  I initially got it 4 years ago.  It's treated with asthma medication as your lungs start to fill with fluid and it's noisy.

It's common knowledge that I am kind of an idiot.  I forget things, like the warning I got 4 years ago to rinse my mouth out after I use my inhaler to avoid getting thrush (oral yeast).  This year I had to use the inhaler more than usual...and didn't make the connection when I developed raw spots in my mouth that wouldn't heal.  Or when my lungs got extremely bad and I started to have to use the inhaler daily.  Or when my allergy and sinus symptoms got debilitating and I developed migraines.  Or stomach cramps.  Or when it got hard to see (sort of a white filmy issue).

Now, a fun fact about yeast is that it feeds itself.  It thrives in sugar.  I'm a gluten-free vegetarian.  I'm hypoglycemic and plump (but since I've been strict vegetarian/celiac the fat is going away).  By the grace of God, I don't like sweets, and that one day a month I do it's Ding Dongs, Devil's Food Cake, Chocolate Pudding, Chocolate Ice Cream, Canoli and Petit Ecolier (sp?) crackers with bittersweet chocolate chunks on one side.  Sometimes I add peanut butter to those.  Predictable.  So all of a sudden I start craving nothing but sugar,  all the time.  I am eating multiple candy bars (yuck), bags of candy (double yuck), pretty much anything in the checkout lane.  I'm putting gobs of sugar in perfectly good cereal (ick). I gained 10 pounds.  By now I felt terrible on all levels.

All of this started to get out of control around November, when I started singing in SL.  I, being a total moron, credited my sudden inability to hit and sustain notes to nerves.  It was only when eating became ridiculously painful that I remembered that bit about thrush.

You know those photos they show you in health class of diseases that are totally out of control and you wonder how anyone let them go so long?  I finally achieved photo status!

OK, this is actually a picture of graphic tongue that I enhanced.  Graphic tongue, I learned, is a normal condition where the tongue looks as spotted as an Appaloosa.  I have graphic tongue, which is another reason I didn't spot the yeast.

As soon as I Googled, my tongue popped up!  Yea!  Off I went to the grocery store ( you never need to see the Dr about yeast).  All I can say in defense of my rampant and inexplicable stupidity here is that the infection started and built up so slowly that I just didn't notice.

After two days of treatment my tongue returned to normal size - it was about 3 times normal.  I don't know how I could talk - much less sing - at all.  My throat also shrunk (expanded? the tissues shrunk) back to normal, as did my nasal passages, etc. in time.  My lungs and eyes cleared up over the next two weeks.  I am still taking probiotics and other supplements to make sure it's completely gone from everywhere.

...and I got my voice back!  It's such a relief.  Of course, now I have to learn how to use it all over again, but I don't mind.

So let this be a warning to you kids!  Drink lots of water and write stuff down! And don't be afraid to come to my show - I swear it's much better now with the new voice!