Rip Him To Shreds

So.  I had an admittedly great time last night doing something I would never publicly admit to: lampooning one of my ex-boyfriends.

Ok, no.  I did no public lampooning.  I just laughed heartily and publicly at the lampooning that was happening, er, nearby.  And I feel totally guilty about it.  I felt guilty about it at the time, which is moronic.  I mean, I feel bad because I live by the golden rule.  I can't bear accidentally hurting someone, much less doing it deliberately.  Considering the subject matter I should rejoice that I found someone witty enough to make coke come out my nose at my x's expense.  It's richly deserved.  Yet...I'm a damn pussy.

Seriously.  I can turn the concept of Karma in upon itself, can't I?  This is like anti-karma.  The not-doing inversely affects the negative impact of any pre-conceived ill-intentions.  Or something  (I'll give you a second to wrap your mind around that one).

Plus, I don't believe in guilt.  There is no room for it in my life.  I do nothing that I am ashamed of  = no guilt.  Hell, I don't even do anything I keep secret...though perhaps I could take another look at that (video) policy. I have always been my harshest critic and never fail to call a spade a spade.  Occasionally out of kindness I might give it a mercy upgrade or bless it with "love blindness" by allowing it to believe it's "hot" by not commenting.  Or by emphasizing the points that are actually good.  Or occasionally with a phrase similar to "You keep telling yourself that, Dear."

I'm careful overall when picking at a spade though, honestly. I mean I work hard to be "all this," - it doesn't mean I think I'm "all that."  I find it much more pleasant to allow others to blow my horn anyway...then suffer temporary Kathy Griffin deafness and ask them to repeat it.  Sure it requires almost excruciating patience at times but is inevitably worth it for so many reasons...(head toss).

All in all, however, I do actively work to diminish the bad (inside and out) and emphasize the good - but do I ever say I like my boobs a lot?  Or do I just mention them?  Its a subtle but important distinction.  Humility wrapped inside a boast tucked into generalization...ok I am waaaay too pretty to throw my brain around this hard in one blog post.  I need water...

...I'm just saying the key to being a great make-up artist is knowing bone structure.  Or embellishments are vital as long as they add to the original piece.  Or for the love of God keep your feet on the ground or gravity will give you a nice painful reality check when you least expect it.

Not that there's anything wrong with being in love with your own ass.  Just make sure its not on your shoulders.

My cup runneth over....

I have always believed that strength runs out.  There are times when I feel weaker than others.  Times when I feel the need to lean on other people.

The past few months have been the weakest I have ever survived.  The strange thing is....I did survive. And I'm changing into a much stronger, kinder person than I was before.

The new set of music I'm planning reflects that. It's going to be ... interesting.  We'll say that.  I'm having fun putting it all together.

A different fire.....

I'm sad that the lovers I cared for aren't with me now, but I'm finally starting to believe its their loss.  More importantly, I know now that I wont "run out" of strength, or of love.  Because I thought I didn't have any left but my heart still opened...I just took a little longer than usual.  That's not a bad thing!  The guy may have been a furry little mistake but the lessons learned will never be.  I'm just as grateful for the good memories as the sad ones. And I'm still standing. In amazing shoes and several sizes smaller no less!

He (and the other "hes") are the ones that have to live with themselves now.  I don't anymore.  I get to go back to my real life and hang with people I can relate to. I'm looking forward to it.  Just as soon as the bleeding stops.

It will stop any day now.